I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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