Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
