I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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