it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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