I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
