This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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