i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
