She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
