a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
