I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
