If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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