They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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