do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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