I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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