I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
