Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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