I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
