Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Randomize
