he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
