You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
