YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
