It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
