make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
