Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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