woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
