Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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