Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Randomize
