New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
