Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
