I think my vagina is haunted
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
