Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
