i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
