how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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