i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
