I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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