It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
