I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
A+ Viking dick
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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