I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
