I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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