THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
