The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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