My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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