so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
