their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
