You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I checked into jail on foursquare
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
