She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
