you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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