Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
