Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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