You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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