I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
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