I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
