thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
