But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Just invented taco cereal.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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