I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
