my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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