i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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