i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
