i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
