Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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