so that wasnt chicken after all
and you said cock pushups were impossible
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
