My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
