hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
